Argh, still can’t get over the fact why he has to talk so long, making the meeting so long… i think i will be even more mad if i was there loh.. can’t believe the meeting started at 2030 and end at 2300…

Suddenly thought of giving up… i was consoling Queen and at the same time, i guess i have gotten the emotions from her, Oh no, but it’s okay,

just dun know why, the 2 guys won’t share a cab, and insisted on taking Big Guy’s car, i mean, come on, Queen is a lady ok, how can you 2 guys, fought over the ride home. I mean please loh, you have to see whether Big Guy stay mah, he lives in Woodlands, and you 2 stay in the East, it’s totally OUT of the way…argh! just let her take Big Guy’s car home, and the 2 of you just jolly well share a cab home lah.. :(

so many things to say, can’t believe i have to take bus and transfer 2 times to Tampines and take cab from there to Pasir Ris, poor Queen, cried immediately after she board my cab. heartache!! argh…

questions, questions, lots of unpleasant, lots of upset…

how can i be cheering her up when i am feeling so down at work!…

God! Help me!!..:(

or at least send someone to help me…

——————————————

ps: I am super mad at Mr Bossy, can he think of the USMS his own, i mean it’s he who needs 3 USMS, why need to bother me to think and help him… i have helped him so many times, can he just leave me alone…

argh.. adding on my madness.. guess those choco and LAYS that i have just eaten doesn’t help… maybe i shall continue my music therapy…

Just a moment, I happened to come to my brother’s blog, and was overwhelmed with emotions when I am reading it. Yes, I guess we are on the same boat..

Extracted from his blog: with italic and underlined as my comment….

“All that frustration in me has built up to a point where I just have to release it. I want to vent it out on that trio, but I can’t. I would do what I do best - ignore them and lead a separate life on my own. I am not going to waste my time and energy bothering (or even trying to get involved in their lives anymore). “

Yes, just move on and pursue your life, I am sure God has better plans and companions for you, 3 years ago, I am in very good relationship with Wan Ying, and now, 3 years later, everything changes, i can’t do anything, but to move on, and lead my life separately without involving in her life anymore.

“It doesn’t make sense to me. Every time I make an attempt to bother about your life (a gentle whats app message or a text), you never do reply.”

Sometimes they are just simply plain busy, I guess committing in a relationship will end up losing some other friends, but what your friends can do is to balance their time spent together alone and the time spent with you and other friends. I am also quite upset that since the time Jesher has attached, I felt the disconnection between his brotherhood with me, guess I am just silly in thinking that, by connecting with him and after him, I will be able to grow deeper in the Lord, guess it would not happen anymore. Well, it doesn’t matter for now, cause I have predicted it will happen, and it really happened, guess I have to find the Lord in the future to listen to my stories.

“It doesn’t make sense to me. Leaders knew we were close. Right now, it is not the same anymore. I cannot bring myself to talk to either one of you.”

Sometimes, you just felt that you are intruding their time together, guess I understand what you are going through now, it is when you are troubles and problems, and you cannot share them to your closest friends (who are now attached), you felt a certain blockage, like God trying to close a door for you to enter. Honestly, sometimes i just want to find someone to chat about how I am going through in army, how I am struggling in the relationship with vic, but I guess, my door has also been closed.

“Going to the house used to be a happy thing for me. I crave and enjoy the presence, the worship and the word. I knew the fellowship was always going to be great. I loved the company. Right now, I actually dread it. I am going to a huge hall every other Sunday (it’s tough that I lose my weekends at times and whenever I return I get the cold shoulder) just for the word and the presence.”

It is when you are looking forward for church on sunday, but after the praise and worship, you cannot feel any presence from the Lord, you asked yourself, is it the place i really want to be? After service, when everyone was “ushered” to the particular eatery (usually fast food cause our CGL like to eat fast food) when everyone just ate their lunch quietly and some of them just talk random stuff, and after that, they will just depart from your lives and say bye to you for the weekend. Next weekend, it just happened again. There is no continuation, instead it became a routine. A move to Suntec changes everything, like you have told me, you still like the old service in Expo, yes, I have to admit, Expo is still the same, or should I say, the old E98 is still the best.

Have been speaking to Chancey and she says maybe hopping over to NCC would be a good thing. I do not know. I really do not know.

Maybe God has better plans for you, try praying this issue with Him, i guess he will definitely provide you with some indication on the church you should be going. To me, it is not the church that is important, the most important thing is that although we are from different church, we still serve the same God. And this is all that matters, serving God wholeheartedly.

Is this another trial that I have to endure? Perhaps.

Trust in the Lord, and I believe you will overcome this trial, Church is the formation of people and the Lord, and it is the people issue that force individual to backslide or to stay put in the Church, serving the Lord. No matter what, Brother, just remember that although everything will continue to change, one thing for sure is that, we will still be serving the same Lord, he will be the same forever and ever.

Hope these replies do help you, my sentence structures might not be error-free. Too much late nights makes my brain turns a bit haywire. Cheers, and see you later.

How i wish to stop her from crying..?

How i wish to use my hands to touch her cheeks and wipe her tears?

How i wish to take out my tissues and wipe her tears that run down her cheeks?

——

It’s like you see a donut in front of you, but you just can’t eat it.. it’s so tempting and yet sinful.. :(

——

Seeing her cry makes my heart bleed..

Guess she will need to be more independent..

She will eventually find a better shelter that is way better than me..

I am not worth for her to wait..

——

Tired of holding her back…

Tired of holding my feelings..

Tired of keeping my hands off her hands..

——

Rmb those memories that short and precious..

in the train.. on the road..

It’s really heartache..heartaching..

——

Guess it doesn’t matter anymore…

Cause I am not going to allow her to wait for me…

You can say that I am bad.. I am evil..

just that..

I seriously think that我不配.
——

With or without NS..

I will still would not continue to move on to my next step..

I have torture her enough already..

She has suffered enough for her past love life..

And I dun want my r/s with her to last so shortly like what I have previously..

——

It’s not a fair exchange..

it’s a selfish act..

An act that I think I shouldn’t even think about it..

Friendship doesn’t comes easy..

R/s needs a lot of bravery,

I dun have that enough courage to do so..

so well, it will be like a kite without strings, let her fly to wherever wants..

謝謝你的美好…

謝謝你… 给我的…的美好~~~ this song.. it’s for her..

…. thanks for sharing your memories with me… following are the lyrics

作词:严爵作曲:严爵

因為我們知道 這天終究會來的

所以不計較 只要彼此可以過的更好

當初愛的是你 讓我哭時也是你

在我的身邊 讓我嘗到有被愛的感覺

謝謝你的美好 我絕對不會忘掉
雖然那滋味 慢慢地 慢慢地 淡掉
今晚我們見面 算不算最后一遍
答應自己不流眼淚

** 我們在散步 我們在殘酷 心里早預估
誰要說出口 誰要當兇手 你還是我
我們的全部 所有的全部 只要再一步
就能夠解脫 就能夠擁有 得到自由**

請你不要 cry like this is a surprise
哭出來 only make things 更難捱
我的愛 并沒有改 是時間作怪
Girl you know that,right？

嘿 你把你眼淚擦干
嘿 你把你腳停下來
one more step
that’s all that we have left

謝謝你的美好 我絕對不會忘掉

雖然那滋味 慢慢的慢慢的淡掉

今晚我們見面 算不算最後一遍

答應自己不留眼淚

**…**

我們在散步 我們在殘酷 心裡早預估

誰要說出口 誰要當兇手 你還是我

我們的全部 所有的全部 只要再一步

就能夠解脫 就能夠擁有 得到自由……